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Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 16, Episode 1
The following is a list of Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the sixteenth series premiere. Key JA- James Acaster HD- Hugh Dennis AB- Angela Barnes EG- Ed Gamble MJ- Milton Jones TI- Tez Ilyas Topics Things You Didn't Hear During The Election TI- THE TRUTH! AB- And representing the Conservatives, Teresa May. JA- I promise to deliver a hard Brexit. Unless you're not in, and then I'll leave it with your neighbor, which is Europe. I haven't thought that through. MJ- The Scottish people have spoken. Did anyone understand what they were saying? EG- Here at the BBC, we need balance. (lifts one leg) Jeremy Corbyn's shit. HD- So, the polls have closed. (turns off-camera) Untie Boris! EG- Please welcome this month's Gay Times cover star, Tim Ferron! MJ- I am the returning officer... and it's great to be back. AB- I do not make U-Turns. And more importantly, I do make U-Turns. EG- Hello and welcome to the Take Me Out all night election special. Let the ballots see the box. HD- Would you press the red button? Mr. Corbyn, would you press the red button? We have been stuck in this lift for 20 minutes! JA- Taxes will be so low if you vote fore me... Jimmy Carr. HD- This is my pledge. Get your own furniture polish! JA- I've got a great plan to save the NHS. First we live the EU. Then we use the extra 350-- huh? Can I interest you in a free bus? EG- Hello and welcome to Newsnight. Teresa May, Jeremy Corbyn, Tim Ferron: Shag, marry, kill? MJ- I am the returning officer... TI- Yes, okay, Jeremy Corbyn may have Stormsy, but I have Gary Barlow. Take that! JA- Ima create so much new housing: A series of one-room flats with an amazing view of London. Also, unrelated, I'm closing the London Eye. MJ- One person in this election has consistently brought up green things: (hacks up something) Me, Caroline Mucous. HD- So, it looks like the Tory majority is going to be exactly the same as it was. What a fucking waste of time that was. Unlikely Lines From A Cosmetics Commerical TI- Are you an older woman struggling with her facial hair? Try Gillette, the best a nan can get. AB- Would you like lashes with more volume? LASHES! EG- You don't need lip liner or eyeliner with our new bin liner. HD- What goes into our True Naked Infallable Moisture Crushing Nature Colour Body Palette Moisturizer? A selection of random words that mean "fuck all". EG- What's my secret for smooth skin? I'm 20! MJ- Is your hair out of control? Do you wear wacky shirts? Well, hey, you're great just how you are. HD- You want fuller, rounder lips? I recommend a nut allergy. TI- Are you tired of missing out on the opportunities that your peers get? Try White Privilege Foundation. JA- Here comes the science. GLOBAL WARMING IS REAL! NONE OF THIS MATTERS! MJ- (German accent) We in the German city of Cologne have a fragrance called "Birmingham." HD- This apricot scrub removes the surface layers to leave you with the smoothest, most rejuvenated apricot you've ever seen. MJ- And for one last time, it's me, the returning officer! JA- This product makes your eyelashes really big... by shrinking your eyeballs. AB- Want that football hooligan abroad look? What not try Oil Of Ole Ole Ole Ole? JA- Sorry, has anyone seen the returning officer? MJ- Any messages? EG- Our new powder gives you the confidence to hit the town: Cocaine! Category:Scenes We'd Like To See